So Close

Needing a nudge

A literal push

Just a little start

Through the viscous media

Don't judge

Indeliberate ambush

Pulling all apart

My abhorrent foolish idea

I won't budge

I won't rush

World I would depart

But with such incongruent philia

I'd make the mudge

With a dull crush

With all that is thwart

Only controlling thy sickly bulimia

No, there's no grudge

Everything a lull hush

For it's a worldly cart

A beligerent intimate melancholia 

So close, this bridge

In the end it's a mush

Like a speedy dart

None but a Shakespeare's peripeteia

A meaningless buldge

Another meaningless flush

Intermittent existential restart

From this horrible horrendous hysteria

Making this mudge

Or am I in a rush

But before I fall apart

Let me gather my worldly paraphernalia

In Nostalgia

Happen it did years ago,
Such things one doesn’t forgo,
But remains discreet deep inside,
Like the trace of oxygen in its oxide,
Or like shades of blue in indigo.
Stepping on the grass blade,
Entering into the life’s glades,
The enormous structure,
Stood in its broken shackles,
And random thoughts,
Which one, one merely forgot?
But with their past glory,
And fields not so gory.
There they stood,
With their heads held high,
Indeed afoot,
Were the beautiful blue barns,
Stood in our long lost farms.
Thoughts of random plays,
And dancing our fancy ways,
A home was built of love,
And of muffins and coco-puffs!
Fell the viscous sun,
Onto the empty barrel of rum.
Even the valiant and the dauntless,
Shall fall to the mystifying shadows,
Our random dreamy meadows,
Shall rest in peace under the beaded skies,
And fiery sunrise,
The colors over the walls,
Of a perfect home, otherwise.
O’ matronly tree!
Like the only lonely widow,
Like sad, secluded thing for miles,
Alone you stand,
And alone you have always been!
Stepping into the world of past,
And over the high mast,
All we did all day,
Was to hide, run and play.
In the hearts of the home,
Coughing we entered,
Into the room I called my own.
In tears,
And nostalgia,
With the day’s end,
Was the perfect little ruin,
In the hearts of four people,
And memories of four random wishes.

I Know

I open my eyes and all I see
And know
That this is how it's always going to be
For how perfect human is
And yet I fail to me

I knew not this touch
And now I know
That this would hurt this much,
How do you even sense your lover's face
When your own fingers are in a clutch?

Not even once I gave it a thought
And now I know
Of all the battles I've ever fought
How naive humans can be
For this is the one that has be most caught

Of all the things that people have
They miss the most
Is what once they had
Not wanting and yet
And now they shall never believe to have

Is this what we call peace?
Or mere existing?
Living a life in such a miss
Every moment we get
And yet living in yesterday's piece

How do you even wake up everyday
When you are your own enemy
Dreaming and wanting away
Desiring but defeated
And not having the strength to work in its way?

Alas, I know not how
Living among all the why's
Saying to do it in the now
But standing in the rain
With the stoicism of a cow.

That Place

That place
Between your fingers
Or on your neck where I nibble
Somewhere insides of your thighs
Or playing with the softness of your nipple
That hard kiss on your lips
Smoldering and yet so delicate
Sucking the tiredness of the entire day place
For which I dearly long and persist.

That place
With the light pull of your cheeks
As I take a bite
How irresistible is that place
Which I can't even describe.

That place
Just gazing into your eyes
Thinking what you might be thinking
I comprehend only through your smile
With my lips on you
And me slightly pulling your hair
As you fall into sleep
So purely vulnerable
And God how you trust me with it
How delicately I rub myself on you
And yet I still take a bite.

That place
And why do I even call it home? 

22 October

Why do I not remember your face?
Or any moment of your laughter?
Not even a single glimpse of your smile
And yet I don't forget you
Even after decades.
Why do I remember the taste of your foods?
Or the dresses you did not make?
But not the touch of your skin
And only tears and pain?
Why am I remembering you?
Even when I know not your voice
Not even a flick of your hair
Or the slightest warmth
Or your hug or your brace.
And why do I even regret
Not having done enough for you
And not being with you now?
Even though I was too young
To know the details of life
Or maybe these are just excuses
That I tell myself
Only to be reminded that I made a mistake.
All I can I do is apologize
But why would that matter now?
It's been ages and yet
I want you here
To love you and serve you
And make life easy for you,
But of all the possible possibilities
That, I know, won't come true.
Cause now you no longer are mine
And yet I so dearly crave.
Why do I miss you?
When I don't even know you,
Or had the time to love you.
All that remains is a fleeting joy
That existed because of you.
And the time that you ever lived with me
Wasn't dreamy or happy or loved
That what was all was a concocted home
Of your broken dreams and bones. 

The Dark Stagnation

Is the world this dark?
Or is it just me?
For all I see is blur,
And I can't go more literal than this.
But I am not angry or sad,
I question your very existence,
Your behavior and presence,
And the atrocities in the name of love,
Or your so called teachings.
I saw the sun and the moon kiss,
But the world didn't end.
It ended when you smiled,
On a fine summer morning,
With the passing of a spring tale.
Do you enjoy the smirk on you,
The sadistic pleasure you get,
From the pain of your beloved?
Or do I presume too much?
But I could hear the sadness in the sky,
For it lingered more than it was invited.
But how do you know?
If the sun keeps the moon happy,
When all I see is pain?

Have you been so happy?

Have you been so happy?

Like when someone holds your hand,

Especially when you least expected,

And suddenly you know

You’re taken care of.

Have you been so happy?

Like tickling someone so much,

And they have the weirdest laugh,

Added with unapologetic noises,

And you kiss them so hard.

Have you been so happy?

Like getting pecked on the neck,

With bear hugs from behind,

And you try to free yourself

From their tightening grip, unsuccessfully.

Have you been so happy?

When their smile makes you entire day,

And even hours of separation are difficult

And all you do is think about them

And to make their day a bit more lively.

Have you been so happy?

Even when you try to look for flaws,

You find none.

And you question if you deserve that much love,

And you promise to love them even more.

Have you been so happy?

That you couldn’t define perfection,

And now you know what it means

When people say that they love someone.

And now suddenly everything makes sense.

Have you been so happy?

That now you’ve started loving yourself,

Because a person taught you.

And now you both grow emotionally

And intellectually and support each other unconditionally.

Have you been so happy?

When just holding them

Gives you immense pleasure.

And you won’t let go,

Even when it annoys them.

Have you been so happy?

When they hug you,

And they just won’t let you go.

And you are busy,

But you still melt in their arms.

Have you been so happy?

You let them annoy you

Because you know that it makes them laugh

And you simply make faces

And they love you even more.

Have you been so happy?

That you can stay all day in bed with them,

Even when you are a clean freak.

And all you do is cuddle,

And it becomes the next day already.

Have you been so happy?

When you don’t have to talk,

Not even a sigh and they know what’s wrong.

And when you can fight the world

And be with them no matter what.

Have you been so happy?

When you get kisses even from far,

Especially at a crowded party,

And you know you’re being protected

Even from the corner of their eyes.

Have you been so happy?

That you wink at them discreetly

And they grin at you calling you a fool

And you make a sad face

And they wink back at you.

Have you been so happy?

When you remember the way they looked at you

When you wore that dress for the first time.

And you couldn’t stop gushing,

Yet you pretended that they didn’t notice.

Have you been so happy?

When all your life

You thought that love didn’t exist

And that it didn’t have any meaning whatsoever,

And now you know that you were so wrong.

Have you been so happy?

That you wear their shirt

Unclean and unwashed

For days at end

Because you’re miles away and you miss them incredibly.

Have you been so happy?

When you can’t stop staring at them

Especially when they laugh

And you think what’s wrong with you

And yet you day dream about being with them.

Have you been so happy?

That you fight with them

Over small and large things

And you talk like insane beings

And yet you can’t spend the night apart.

Have you been so happy?

When you were so broken,

And you knew nothing could heel you

Yet someone came and fixed you

And you wondered if everything was real.

Have you been so happy?

That you fear so much for them,

Fear losing them either emotionally or physically

And yet you brave yourself

Because only you can do so.

Have you been so happy?

That you never trusted someone

And now they know all your secrets

And you couldn’t imagine being so transparent before

And now you really are.

Have you been so happy?

That knowing someone

Inside and out

And knowing loyalty and trust

Which surprises you undoubtedly.

Have you been so happy?

Because I want you to be.

If you haven’t then I hope you’ll be,

Because such love is the only thing

That can heal anything in this entire world.