22 October

Why do I not remember your face?
Or any moment of your laughter?
Not even a single glimpse of your smile
And yet I don't forget you
Even after decades.
Why do I remember the taste of your foods?
Or the dresses you did not make?
But not the touch of your skin
And only tears and pain?
Why am I remembering you?
Even when I know not your voice
Not even a flick of your hair
Or the slightest warmth
Or your hug or your brace.
And why do I even regret
Not having done enough for you
And not being with you now?
Even though I was too young
To know the details of life
Or maybe these are just excuses
That I tell myself
Only to be reminded that I made a mistake.
All I can I do is apologize
But why would that matter now?
It's been ages and yet
I want you here
To love you and serve you
And make life easy for you,
But of all the possible possibilities
That, I know, won't come true.
Cause now you no longer are mine
And yet I so dearly crave.
Why do I miss you?
When I don't even know you,
Or had the time to love you.
All that remains is a fleeting joy
That existed because of you.
And the time that you ever lived with me
Wasn't dreamy or happy or loved
That what was all was a concocted home
Of your broken dreams and bones. 

The Dark Stagnation

Is the world this dark?
Or is it just me?
For all I see is blur,
And I can't go more literal than this.
But I am not angry or sad,
I question your very existence,
Your behavior and presence,
And the atrocities in the name of love,
Or your so called teachings.
I saw the sun and the moon kiss,
But the world didn't end.
It ended when you smiled,
On a fine summer morning,
With the passing of a spring tale.
Do you enjoy the smirk on you,
The sadistic pleasure you get,
From the pain of your beloved?
Or do I presume too much?
But I could hear the sadness in the sky,
For it lingered more than it was invited.
But how do you know?
If the sun keeps the moon happy,
When all I see is pain?